Why I am happy every day
The answer is magic
Precisely one day after my 40th birthday, I started to live. I took a decision to go where my heart yearns, no matter what. That day is the day when I became Fairy.
“All it takes is a simple choice, a simple decision: no matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself.” — Eckhart Tolle
I had a very adventurous and sometimes extremely scary life, and I do not regret it, even though I have yet to fully make peace with it. Its what gave me the courage to arrive where I am now, and what made my Fairy wings stronger. Looking back, I realise with unexpected wonder that even in the hardest of times, I have always been hopeful, optimistic and happy. Perhaps my ignorance kept me in a state of blind bliss — I have been called hopelessly naïve more than a few times in my life — but actually, this is what reinforces my belief in magic. And what makes my life magical.
The human capacity to imagine is so strong that it can actually put an entire planet in danger. Perhaps because we are so strong, we often forget to take a step back and really, really grasp just how much we don’t know, and just how much of what we take as fact is simply a limit of our imagination.
Nations, money, jobs, religion, families, race and gender — these are all stories we jointly agree to roleplay, even though we made a very poor job of defining the details and the rules. But that is ok — we live, we learn. One good lesson is to do the best we can until we know better, and when we know better, to do better. Another lesson that I live by is this: we CAN bring our dreams to life. And they may well include magic, because we certainly invented and roleplay-lived through a lot more illogical dreams than that.
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper” — W. B. Yeats
Magic is most commonly defined as a supernatural power, and supernatural is defined as some force beyond scientific understanding of the laws of nature. But we know well that what we understand evolves every moment, and that we have gotten many, Many, MANY “scientifical” things wrong in the past. In other words, what we know best of all is that we don’t know much, and therefore there are plenty of things we can easily define as magic - that is to say, beyond our current scientific understanding of the laws of nature.
“The whole world is a series of miracles, but we’re so used to them we call them ordinary things.” — Hans Christian Andersen
For me, magic is a state of permanent curiosity, followed by a wealth of love and gratitude whenever I get a glimpse of the beauty and magnificence of life. I love the fact that I know so little, and I challenge myself to try new things out all the time. Surprisingly, I learn that I know myself a lot less than I thought, and I discover millions of limitations placed in myself by foreign words and perceptions.
I was and am proudly naïve. I suspect this is the nature of being human: to believe without much experience. When we believe, we build and when we build, we are powerful. I believed, for example, that the games I want to make are boring, so I did not make them. But now I know better, and The Merry Fairy is well under way of becoming a real, immersive, beautiful game.
“Not all those who wander are lost” — J. R. R. Tolkien
My well being is the greatest compass I found in my journey. It is very hard for me to understand what well being means, and to not feel exceedingly selfish and ashamed when I experience something that truly feels good to me, because my body does not associate feeling good with love. But the more I go against that shame, the more I can witness my dreams come to life. And they are worthy dreams that benefit many.
So I slowly learn to follow my heart and my well being consciously, every day. This includes learning to say no, prioritising my wishes, speaking my mind, trusting myself and making space for mistakes. My heart takes me often in the forest, where I find most of my daily wonders. When I notice them, I feel a strong warmth in my chest, and very often I feel so overwhelmed that my eyes turn watery. I feel the same oftentimes when I look at my Caretaker*, when I dance with my best friend and when I let my heart take The Merry Fairy where it wishes, even when it goes against what is commonly shared as good business.
This is how happiness feels to me. It is a spell I get better at casting every day. And I know it will shine through everything that I bring to life!
The Merry Fairy is an indiegame I currently develop. If you are excited by my project and would like to be one of the very first guests at The Merry Fairy, please subscribe to my newsletter on The Merry Fairy website and follow my adventures here on Medium!
